Strapon Styles : Mean

I wrote this a couple weeks ago, and as I'm not yet where I want to be with my next part of "to thine own self..." I figured I'd give you all something to *FAP* about in the interim. Have a great weekend my friends.

So, I've decided to muse some more about my continuing series on the aspects of strapon play. I think in my past entries I had mentioned how different cultures approach it. Here in the US (but definitely not limited to just us yanks), it seems that many websites focus on hard, mean, strapon play. Websites like ClubDom.com seem to almost exclusively show this style of strapon action.

And as always, there is nothing wrong with that, though it certainly isn't for everyone.

There are a few different ways to make strapon play meaner than it has to be, and there are even ways that some

players make sure it is down right painful. Size (as talked about earlier) is perhaps the most obvious one. Both the depth or width of a dildo can make strapon play quite rough, especially without a lot of preparation. Unusual shapes, or nubs on the dildo can add additional challenges. But beyond the dildo itself, there are lots of other ways to do it too. Of course a collar with a lead being tugged during penetration is an obvoius choice. Harsh corporal prior to strapon will make your ass completely vulnerable and sensitive during penetration. I've seen dommes who even specifically wear a harness or a dildo with lots of little spikes on it, so that when they plunge "balls deep" the sub is sure to know it.

Perhaps the most traditional is simply hitting the slave with a riding crop or spanks on their hips during the play. That has to take a bit of coordination, but I've seen it done. An even trickier one that I've experienced is an ashtray on the slave's back, though be sure not to use anything that could fall off and break - which obviously would be not only a punishable offense, but definitely a pain to deal with - perhaps even dangerous. Though for the smoking fetishist in me, that kind of specific limitation sure has some appeal. The domme can also just make the sub hold her ashtray, and for me, a smouldering cigarette, with her lipstick smeared on it, sure provides added excitement and challenge with keeping my focus - and balance.

Another way is through restrictive bondage, especially when its done that makes the testicles vulnerable. I've seen clips where a tight rope is put around the balls and the Domme uses that to pull her sub back against her if he ever tries to pull away. Making the sub wear a humbler is another way to add to the harshness of the experience. And possibly most brutal of all, a small doggy shock collar as a cock ring. Aeeeeeee! I guess that'll keep a guy motivated for sure.

There are many other ways as well, putting the sub over a spanking bench, or a cage, and putting clover nipple clamps on him in such away that if he pulls back from the bench, the clamps pull against his nipples. Yah... been there, got the t-shirt ;)

Even without bondage, are definitely some positions which make taking a strapon all the harder. I've seen subs bent over so their ass is completely in the air, and their own cock is in their face. The ladies of meangirlsclub.com seem to particularly enjoy putting men in this position. With the ladies often jerking them off so that they shoot into their own face. For me, that's another case of to each their own. Whatever blows your dress up, right?

Lastly, is a more subtle option. Make the sub get himself off first. All of us guys are much less willing to submit to something after the throbbing desire is gone. But be sure to have him already restricted in some kind of way first, otherwise he might try to run off. Of course, you could just have him locked in chastity for the experience... but that's another blog entry for another day.

Revenge : Best Served Pink (vid)

I've been chipping away at a big blog entry, that is a continuation of my post last week about defining yourself, since that's a major thing I'm trying to figure out these days. Staying open to learning, seeking and understanding more and more... but sometimes its best not to know. Like the kid who found his mother's copy of 50 shades of grey, and wisely decided not to ask what the bookmarks were :)

In other news, I was very flattered this past weekend when I went to Orlando. I met two men who both were supportive and appreciative readers of the blog. Its always very nice when someone says they appreciate the efforts :)

More on the Orlando trip to: the OK Munch, Orlando's First Ever Fetish Ball, and a private lunch and a dungeon visit with Mistress Patti, her slave ray, and their friend Dean. It sure was lovely to get out of town with Ladies Michelle & Regina. I'm very fortunate to have such wonderful friends in my life. :)

But in the interim, I wanted to share this funny little video. I suspect those into humiliation and/or forced femme will love it. :)

OT: Best Halloween Costume Ever!

Someone buy me this plz. :)

The Real Dommes of New York

Just saw this over at my friend HMP's blog, and figured it was well worth a re-post to spread awareness.

FWIW, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I definitely find it disappointing to have the men being portrayed by either flaky, cheap or just downright stupid.

Then again, that might be a pretty apt description for most men anyway.

Defining yourself

One of the greatest and most empowering suggestions I've ever gotten was "To thine own self be true." And I've worked hard to honor that adage, and over the years one of the things that can be very tricky about that is knowing who you truly are. What are your wants, your needs, your goals, your dreams, and especially in the world of kink - defining what are your boundaries, and your limits are can really take some time and sometimes until you go and take a leap, you just can't know where the boundary lies.

During my exploration, I have learned that those lines and interests aren't static. They are always evolving, and that can make it all the more challenging. Its part of why the ongoing processing and communicating is

so critical. For instance, my own interest and experience with chastity has varied dramatically during the last 10 years. In the realm of fantasy, chastity can be as easy as 1,2,3 but living in lockup, a totally different experience. And I'm still learning, about what it can mean to me and my sense of self - a lot. Sometimes it can be daunting to try and define the limits, and it can be so critical to know what you want vs need. But as long as everyone understands the malleable nature of the boundaries, it can be part of the fun of the exploration.

Another thing I have marveled at how wide the range of approaches to BDSM are, even within a small group. How one Dominant or submissive views a particular aspect can be enormously different, and that makes exploring the boundaries both exciting and sometimes risky. Communication is critical. Both before scene "negotiation" but also the processing of a scene as "aftercare" are important parts to understanding how the dynamic works.

And sometimes it doesn't work for players. And that's ok. Everyone has a right to defining who they are and what their boundaries are. Wether they are offering their submission, or embracing their dominance - or denying either as well. The level of your scene(s) might vary greatly from one to another, and that's all ok. But it does sometimes make it a great challenge to find the right partner(s) to play with. I realized last weekend at the ClubFEM dinner party just how totally different a few of the couples approach their FLR lifestyle. Some are much more gentle and exploring, while another seemed much harsher and degrading, and yet another seemed more about the training and control. And none of them are wrong. All of these couples seemed very happy in their own style of the dynamic.

So if something isn't clear for you, ask your partners. I have found that the need to communicate, to learn and to explore never diminish. I strive to be willing to make compromises and sacrifice in order to find and define, and re-define what it all means to me. And it changes. For instance, I had never fantasized about feet. Kissing or worshipping them has never been my thing.

Oh, sure, we've all known that I do love high heels, but I never thought "Wow, I want to kneel down and kiss her boot!" - At least until the last few months that is. Its quite interesting how feeling more and more submissive has taught me to appreciate the act. Just a simple kiss on the foot, for me its a demonstration of humility, of submission, of devotion and appreciation. I've always understood the value of a foot rub, that's a little piece of service, and its rare to find someone who doesn't like that (especially after wearing high heels for a while,) but to just make a token gesture of kissing a Mistresses foot, well, its new for me.

But please play smartly. We are all adults, and responsible for protecting ourselves. It ok to say no. Its ok to ask for someone there to help protect against injury. Some play can be very risky, both physically and emotionally. I know of men who suffered permanent damage because they took women's hormones, I know of marriages that ended because cuckolding fantasies were made realities. So please, really think things through before you push the edge.

But remember, its really up to you where you go. Even if you're on the receiving end of the paddle. No matter if you see perceive yourself - be that as bottom, a submissive, or a slave. You have chosen to give yourself to that role. If your dominant sees you as some sub-human creature and that's your thing, great. But if not, its ok to step away from it before you get hurt.

On a personal note, I've been waist training again. Ladies Regina and Michelle directed me to lace up at least 20 hours a week, and as you can see from this picture, that's been for me to whittle away my waist.

For some people in the corset scene, they feel that waist training is only really accomplished as a 23/7 experience. For them, corseting is an

every day, all day event - aside from showers. But that's not how I define it, and that's ok. Does that mean that doing it 23/7 is wrong? Heck No! If that's your thing, go for it. But is that something that I want? Nope. Now, that doesn't mean I don't have the fantasy of being locked into a corset that way. But its just a fantasy, and I'm well aware that's how it should be. At least for now ;)

Sometimes... things are just weird.

As my long time readers know, I'm not a kiss or get spanked and tell kinda guy, and though there's a lot in my life to report... I just don't go "there" on the blog. For lots of reasons.

But I did want to say that I'm doing well. Its been ups and downs, but and things can happen, and sometimes, you just never see it coming. But it is just a transition, and I'm learning and experiencing, living, working and am a bit to my surprise, generally pretty happy. So I just wanted to put that out there.

But that doesn't mean things aren't just sometimes weird.



One of the reasons I keep very private on the blog is that the BDSM world is actually a pretty small community. And though some people aren't private, others are. And its important to respect that at all times.

Its amazing to me that I've been out and involved in the scene now for 10 years (sometimes it seems longer) - and that this blog has been rolling along for more than 5 full years. And I just wanted to say a big thank you to all the people who have been a part of my life. From the ladies who lock me in chastity, to the men share their friendship and encouragement - you are all a big part of my life, and I'm grateful to you. The single comments on the blog or in an e-mail mean a lot.

One of the funny parts of the small world is names. Just a couple weeks ago, I had a funny exchange. I wanted to get a little gift for Lady Regina, I figured a pedicure, because well... chicks dig pedicures, most Mistresses after so much time in heels love some good, qualified professional attention to their tooties.

So, I figured I'd call her friend, Mistress Shae Fatale, as she's all pretty and girly, seems to be the kind of woman who appreciates things like a pedicure, and knows that area of Fort Lauderdale well.

So in speaking with Mistress Shae (who seemed to sound very different on the phone,) she recommended a spa. I googled around, I searched high and low... no luck. So, I resigned to call back Mistress Shae, and asked what town the spa was in, because I couldn't find it.

"Beverly Hills" was her reply. Doh! Turns out, I had been calling and chatting with the lovely Mistress Shae Flanigan of LA! I got to know her a bit during the Beyond Leather Conference a couple of years ago.

Well, I updated my phone contact list, and we all got a chuckle out of it. And what a lucky guy I am to have the phone numbers of two friends, who both are Mistress Shae's. ;)