Why Chastity?

Before I start babbling about me and my beliefs on things, I want to preface it to say that I truly and strongly believe that as long as both parties are open about it, there's no wrong way to incorporate chastity in a relationship. I was going to say "having fun" but for some, even that isn't what they want. So with that in mind... the babble.

We're all different. We all respond differently to things. We all have different goals, expectations, needs, wants, fantasies, limits, relationships, and understandings. And what works for some might fail terribly for others. Many approach chastity as a very short term casual thing, others go for duration, like a competition. Some D/s couples view it as necessity, and I have known others see it as a burden. Some people prefer to use a device, others use the honor system. None of that is wrong to do, if it works for you, don't go fixing what isn't broken.

But for me, chastity is about two things. Sacrifice and control. I sacrifice my freedom, both the ability to give myself an orgasm when I want to, but also the simple sacrifice of living in chastity. Its not convenient. It has taken years for me to get to a point where I am now - heading to finish day 16 in lockup, into day 17. And yes, that means I was not let out yesterday by my Mistresses.

Dealing with chastity requires dedication, time and effort. Some planning and preparation, and everyone is different. Mistresses might have special rules about what needs to be done that add to the challenges, but I've found that even without any added rules, just the regular day to day life requires definite planning.

I learned to go shopping for shorts and slacks when locked up. To make sure that when I'm sitting in a belt for any length of time I have enough room in the pants front. and I also have special briefs that I wear when locked, and that varies depending on what I'm doing at the time - driving, exercise, walking around and sleeping, they're all different. Its all part of my commitment to making this sacrifice. I've learned to view it as a labor of love. Shaving my privates carefully with an bikini shaver, using different types of lubes and lotions. Its been a long journey to get here, almost 10 years. I now have two custom devices that I wear, both by Chastity Heaven. The original is slightly longer and thinner, and works very well for the first few days. The second is slightly wider and shorter, and has proven a huge benefit to the health of my skin down there. Sleeping the night, wondering about metal detectors, planning and dealing. Its all part of my experience.

Keyholders also make sacrifices. Some of what they do might have to wait. CBT is something that I have learned is really rougher when locked up. The inconvenience of my occasional special needs, such as last week when I expected to report for jury duty and had to get out of the metal belt for a CB-3000 for a day. Ladies Regina and Michelle have been very thoughtful and sincere keyholders. I check in each morning with an update. I do my best to be brief, factual and fun. And I know for them, part of the fun is my struggle with the excitement that the denial causes. With that said... time to explain the control.

For some people in the scene, chastity - and especially release from it, can be about rewarding and training. Even purely about love and sharing. And there's nothing wrong with that. Others like random game of chance. Pick the right key, and you're out. Roll the dice, get a lucky number. Pick a card, any card - hey, if that works for them great. But that's not fun for me. Others see it as an reward system. I know my friend, and a man in the chastity scene who I admire greatly, Tom Allen, has railed against the idea that chastity can solve a broken marriage by making a husband attentive and dutiful. Hell, that's THE marketing campaign behind some chastity sellers. I mostly agree with him. A toy can't fix something that's broken. However, if the sharing of an experience helps a couple to feel more love, or that their D/s is more real - and that in turn leads to good things for them, well, my hat's off to ya (not that I wear a hat ;)

But for me, as chastity as is about giving up control, I don't like the idea of making it about luck. I don't want luck to control it. I want the woman who I am giving my dedication to have and use the authority that I give to her. I also don't like the idea that I need to do X, Y or Z to get out of chastity. I strive to be a good man. A gentleman. A person who gives of himself and is of service, not just to the Dominant women who might hold my key, nor just to women who identify themselves as Dominant. But to all women. Heck, to all people really. I strive to be helpful, polite, kind, thoughtful and gentle.

Now, I don't go thinking of myself as some kind of knight; partly because I see that stuff as a bit silly (but hey, if it gets you going... again, have fun!) Nor do I see myself as a slave. I am not a "female supremacist" - and I think Dominant and submissive is more about individual people, and not just their gender.

With that said, the idea of having to earn my way to release isn't really what's fun either. I don't have any objection to having rules, directions or guidelines setup as things to do. I rather enjoy that actually. But if it comes to a point where my keyholder/s aren't 100% sure they want me released on a given day, to be given a last minute task or challenge would tell me that I already hadn't earned my release. If my sacrifice and dedication wasn't suffient to make it clear that they felt the time for release was now, then I don't want to have it be some 11th hour "save" by some demonstration of it. That would be as much a let down as pulling a lucky card. If there is a real physical necessity, ruin the orgasm, and lock me back. But random luck, or a last minute whim? I find that would cheapen what the entire experience means.

The lovely ladies at meangirlsclub.com sure know how to ruin an orgasm!

You can all do what you want, like I said at the start - this is just what works for me. I like the idea of having my most intimate part controlled by a Dominant decision. I like when my sacrifice and service speak loudly and clearly, and when it can be appreciated and enjoyed. That's at the core of this type of power exchange for me.