The denial of denial

I'm in a strange place emotionally. Yesterday I realized that this blog had crossed the 4 year milestone on 12/3/11; and that started me on a little trip down memory lane. It also took me to a few blog entries which had bad links, and the one that was very much a part of what inspired this blog, Ms. Arachnoidea's super elaborate corset.

As I mentioned previously, things are in transition in Casa D'Aarkey. I don't know where it will all go, but everything has been put on hold - for several reasons, most of which I don't want to mull over.

And it's been interesting. One of the weirdest things for me, and which has been really pushing it's way into my psyche again, is chastity. This is the longest I've gone without putting on a chastity belt... probably since I first got one back in 2003. And the fact is, I miss being kept in chastity.

I don't think I miss it enough to put it on myself yet. The control aspect of the denial was always a big part of the appeal (and grew to be much bigger as I played with it more.) So doing that to myself - with the keys in the mail kind of thing, I don't know that it would work.

I'm quite sure I could get the keys held, but do I really want that even is something I wonder. The idea of asking to be locked up for X period of time is so completely different from being told I'm being locked up. I just don't think I could get my head into the right mindset where I would enjoy it, ya know?

I still get regular inquiries from people about chastity. After starting the Chastity FAQ a few years ago, I became a bit of an expert on it in a few circles, and as such, people still point people my way with questions. And I really am happy to help. The gushing notes I get from a sub or a keyholder about how chastity has impacted their relationships is always awesome.

But I actually get a bit jealous now.

Not that I would necessarily want to go where they do, although the fantasy of really truly regretting being in a situation that I asked for definitely holds a twisted appeal. With all the transitions in my life, I wonder just how much of my fantasies to I really want to be real? How much do I need to be happy?

Would I feel sated if I were truly, and strictly denied like that? If I were subjected harsh domination, strict chastity and prostate milking, with no release at all, for who knows how long?

Would I be happy about the fantasy in my head where after weeks in chastity my keyholder takes me the dungeon. She ties me down tightly and removes the chastity belt. She takes out a powerful vibrator, puts it next to me. Lighting a long cigarette, she explains to me what is about to happen... "After I'm done smoking this cigarette, I'm going to put you right back into your belt. And while I'm smoking, I'm going to run this vibrator gently along your member. If you happen to orgasm during that time, I will forgive it. However, you will have to stay in chastity for twice as long next time if you can't behave yourself."

*dreamy sigh*She's keeping some fellow locked up. That poor, poor, lucky bastard.

Delicious Deborah Ann Woll

While Deborah isn't a household name yet, I suspect most folks will recognize her from her role as Jessica Chamby from HBO's uber campy True Blood. TB is one of those shows that I've learned to love to hate. Season 2 was the only 'good' season IMO, and without Jessica in TB, I'm sure I'd have quit watching by now.

Her character is *THAT* hot. The usually reluctant "Ooops, did I ravage and kill you?" young vampiress pushes my buttons, big time. The only way I'd want her off the show is if she was going to do a spin-off series *hint hint*

I'm not alone either. Jessica spends most of her time either in her waitress outfit, or floral dresses - while feigning this delicious innocence and beauty, while still oozing sexuality. She has most guys (and many women) completely enthralled. She's pretty much the only reason I watch at this point.

The only other woman on that show who holds any of my attention is Kristin Bauer, who has some great fetish style - but seems to be too minor a role in the show to really flourish.Even Evan Rachel Wood was actually a bit disappointing in her brief role in the series. Evan can be sooo hot too, but her character was more vapid than vampire. And the female lead of True Blood, Sookie, has a body that's out this world, and yet is able to annoy me to no when where I keep hoping that a meteor will fall out of the sky and crush her and her saccharine love interest, Bill.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, when word of Deborah smoking in a couple of movies, Little Murder & Catch .44 hit my ears, I was hopeful. After watching them both, I think Murder is the better of the two. Although she has a 5 or 6 smoking scenes in Catch, the one scene in Murder tops the quantity IMO.

In Catch, Deborah looks disheveled, panicked and sweaty. Plus, she often holds the cigarette awkwardly. Sometimes between her thumb and pointer finger (trucker macho style), and on one occasion between her ring & middle fingers - and while I find the former truly unattractive, the latter is simply distracting.

In the one scene in Murder, while she still appears a bit awkward smoking, she also looks much prettier, and holds it in a more attractive manner. There are a couple of genuine inhales and exhales. Though she is definitely a long way from becoming a ScarJo or Charlize kind of seductive smoking goddess.Either way, it was a nice little holiday treat for this fetishist! If ya want more, visit the fan site "I heart Deborah". Special thanks to "Chill" of the Smoking Celebs board for posting all the videos - like this 16MB one for Little Murder.

Oh, those subtle little things

Yesterday's responses by my good friends Advochasty & HMP reminded me of just how some little subtle things can make, or break, a persons fetish zone. I'm sure anyone who's played in real life, has learned that those "perfect scripted moments" in our pervy minds are very rare gems in the real world.

The "worm" at the end of "Lick my boot" was enough to get comments from my comrades. Similarly, I've been known to say Thanks, but... that's just "not it" plenty of times to good folks who send me smoking fetish content. I don't try to snub your effort, but we all have our little things about it.

I've written about it before as stuff I "Do.Not.Get" entries on the blog, and one site that seems to always be "just so close, but never quite right" for me is: humiliatrix.com. I love when folks send me stuff - like this video clip that someone sent me of Kendra James, with her slightly raspy smokey voice, sitting there in some sexy lingerie, holding onto a chastity cage and key and just talking about "maybe I'll let you out, or not..." you would think I'd be in heaven. But,
8 minutes of it just doesn't do it for me. Obviously it works big time for some, humiliatrix.com is a slick website with lots of content, beautiful women, yet time and time again, it's just not my thing.Maybe if she was smoking while sitting there talking about it ;)

Then again, there are LOTS Of videos out there which I would find 100x more interesting if the woman were smoking in them... btw, anyone know who the domme is in that shot? She's delicious.

Heck, I even know that there are some folks who can not ever picture a woman as a Mistress if they've had their subspace buzz killed by seeing that woman has ever posed in a "non-domme" photo. I fortunately am not that easy to knock off my track... please don't let that cigarette ash get too long though, it looks sloppy ;)

Law & Order

Mariska Hargitay is a beauty.I'd like to see a spin-off series someday ;)

Anyone else enough of a fetishist that they noticed if the soles were worn in or if they were totally new? Unfortunately, they're new :(

For me, there's something about the walked in soles of heels makes me extra hot. The fact that the woman has actually been strutting around in heels for a while, like these pictures of Katey Sagal or Melissa Satta and their well worn soles - yum.

Holiday Reminder - Practice Tolerance

Just because something isn't your thing, don't judge. So, I hope you all have a Happy ChrismaKwanzaNukkah Solstice!And no, there is no way to unsee that. But, if ya want to see more...

Daily Distraction #45 - Kendra James

Most of the time on this blog I gripe about Photoshop being misused, but sometimes it helps a bit, like in this just all too hot picture with Miss Kendra James readying up with some lube for her strap-on. Of course, if the folks at Lustomic.com were a bit smarter about putting captions on their pictures, they would've added a little outside glow to the text so that it showed up better.

Then again, it was probably just some random internet geek who put the caption on there, and Lustomic isn't responsible for the lack of judgement that leads to using purple text on a black background. Normally Lustomic's stuff is a too "forced bi" for my tastes, but they're pretty professional with their work.

For those who don't know Kendra, I've been a fan of hers for several years now, since I first noticed her stunning beauty when she was listed as a house Domme in SF. She has gone on to have a solid career as a Fetish Queen, Bondage Model and Pin-Up Goddess.

I can verify that she is also very nice in person, as I had the honor of being her escort to the Black & Blue ball in 2005. It doesn't hurt that she's also a casual IRL smoker - which as you all know, is a bonus for me.

BTW, if anyone knows who the uber passable chastised TV is, let me know and I'll link to his/her site too.

LOL

Well, that's a bit outside the box, but it is true ;)

Sexy Tron Corset Outfit

Geeky. Pervy. Yummy.

Click it for more info:Found at: http://dudeiwantthat.com