Ack! I thought Mistress day was the day after today! Ooops.
Anyway, when it comes to V-day, I actually loathe this holiday. Always have. It's the marketing of Hallmark and the "prove you love me" day. I never seemed to get it right, and though I've had a few really lovely ones, for the most part, it's a fail. It's definitely my least favorite holiday. Seriously.
Maybe I'm not as much of a romantic as I think I am, either way... this day shall pass. ;)
In other news, I want to just clarify stuff a bit about my life & relationship(s) presently. I guess I need to doubly do it, since I poopoo'd about the day of love.
Now, I received a few e-mails about my post last week regarding my little vent/meltdown thing. And actually, once the dust settled, it a plus for my relationship dynamics. One of the toughest and trickiest things for me (especially when I'm focusing on my subby side) is when my hopes and/or expectations are not being met. I've learned to be 100x more patient than I was 20 years ago; but what man's sexuality doesn't slow down a bit from 20 to 40? Yet that doesn't mean I don't have periods where I feel disappointed.
And it's very tough, since I know... absolutely know... just how lucky I am. And yet, the feelings are there. Hurt, disappointment, even neglected. Often times it's just a breakdown in communication, othertimes it's simply real life interfering. Finding a balance in it all is tough. And its extra tough for me becuase I still hear a voice in my own head that negates what I'm feeling. I hear over and over "YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY/PATIENT/GRATEFUL!" And that just riddles me with guilt and angst and I feel like some Emo teen all over again. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just a PITA (Pain In The Ass,) ya know... the kinda guy who's just annoying? Like the guy who is off camera in this little XXX clip.
So, last week when I had my mini-melt down, it phased me a little. I like to think I'm beyond that, but obviously it can still happen. The good news is that after a week off of it, all's good. I got a little spanking Saturday from Mistress after helping her out a bit around her house. She gave it to me "just to assert that she has control and because it's good to keep a boy reminded of his place." And that is just all good by me. ;)
Yesterday, my love and I went to the dungeon and I got to play switch and be the dom one. It was a bit being all "dom" while still locked in my chastity belt, but I have found that the hardest part of the belt now is physical. Psychologically it's something I've learned to deal with - though I usually only go a week, and at most, two.
Either way, my life is good. Not just because of all the things I have in my life, but because I try really hard to keep persepective on it.
Sometimes I have to remind myself sometimes that even the other side of the coin has another side of the coin!
4 comments:
It's okay. V-Day is really just a chick holiday. I'm looking forward to your post from next month.
And its extra tough for me becuase I still hear a voice in my own head that negates what I'm feeling. I hear over and over "YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY/PATIENT/GRATEFUL!"
No, that's not the voice in yoru head, that's the voices of the idiots on Fetlife chattering at you.
It was a bit being all "dom" while still locked in my chastity belt,
Well, I've written before that being denied doesn't always equate to being submissive. For me, I sometimes get very ramped up and act even more sexually aggressive.
Either way, my life is good. Not just because of all the things I have in my life, but because I try really hard to keep persepective on it.
And that's about all any of us can do.
Glad to see you're over your hissy.
Aarkey,
Personally, I think I would find being a switch confusing. I am much better off following rules and protocols with little variation. That being said, I know that the sub side can be frustrating.
I have found that communication is key. If something bothers me even a little bit I bring it up. Otherwise I find that this little thing combines with another little thing to bother me more. Eventually, all of these little things add up and I wind up melting down over some little thing or another.
"Mistress, may i speak freely?" followed by a brief synopsis of what is bothering me is usually well received. I have also found that beginning with "I feel" is positive. That way it has no potential to become personal or seem like an attack.
Somewhat surprisingly, I found that this approach works well with a Dominant Woman. The bottom line is that She is in the relationship too and wants Her sub to be happy. Except of course when She doesn't ;).
Sometimes, these conversations are not easy to have. However, if something happens that I feel might bother my Mistress i always mention whatever it is. I would never want Her to find out another way.....
I am not at all sure if that helped at all or was just my personal tangent. Glad things are back to normal for you.
Hi Aarkey:
You and I have already had a conversation about this today so you know I can totally understand where you are coming from. Not the Valentines Day thing (though I totally get that too!) I mean the "poor me I am not getting what I want/need/deserve" syndrome. As you know I suffer from the same psychological quirk. In fact I am just about to post my complete answer to your post in my next post. I was waiting until V Day was over cause I was afraid people would think it was a real buzz kill posting about rabid subbie angst on the holiest of holy Hallmark holidays. Reading your post I want to post mine now out of solidarity. But I will probably wait till morning so I can look at it with fresh eyes after having my morning coffee.
I agree with what you said about aging. It certainly takes the edge off sexual desire. But I still feel the disappointment as much as I did when I was younger. I am a lot more patient, realistic and I know how to deal with it a heck of a lot better then I did back then though.
Cheers brother! Thanks for helping me keep things in perspective! Great post! ;-)
Tom, if fairness it's not just the voices of the lonely who I hear in my head telling me I *should* be satisfied... I have genuinely suffered from that kind of crap in my head since I was 5 (or at least that's when I realized it.) And dealing with it has been an ongoing part of my life journey.
So, yes... while the single handed typers of the world do blather on about their own angst, it really isn't something that I feel affects me.
Regarding the other point you make about being in chastity doesn't always equate with being sub, you're certainly right in my case. It does usually cast a subby light on life, but I don't become a fully malleable piece of puddy (like the fantasy implies) just because I'm locked.
It does definitely make me more inclined towards being subby, but for me, being dominant and locked up isn't an impossible event.
Rare yes, impossible, no.
-----
ikink, most non-switches find switching tough to grasp. For me I'm in A or B mode when feeling sexual. I don't flip from one to the other in a scene (though I know some switches who do) - and that's something I personally don't grasp.
For me, it's a bit like being in the mindset before going to compete in an athletic event. I get myself worked up for X or Y and not for A or B.
The protocols that you have in your life are something that I've never dealt with for any extended period, but I am quite sure that they can create several layers to the submission which make it tougher to exit from a mindset where thoughts of giving a spanking rather than getting one just don't enter in.
-----
HMP: Glad to be a friend, grateful to count you among them.
Post a Comment