First off, happy Valentines Day, or Singles Awkwardness Day, or post Mistress Day - depending on what and how you celebrate things ;)
Ack! I thought Mistress day was the day after today! Ooops.
Anyway, when it comes to V-day, I actually loathe this holiday. Always have. It's the marketing of Hallmark and the "prove you love me" day. I never seemed to get it right, and though I've had a few really lovely ones, for the most part, it's a fail. It's definitely my least favorite holiday. Seriously.
Maybe I'm not as much of a romantic as I think I am, either way... this day shall pass. ;)
In other news, I want to just clarify stuff a bit about my life & relationship(s) presently. I guess I need to doubly do it, since I poopoo'd about the day of love.Now, I received a few e-mails about my post last week regarding my little vent/meltdown thing. And actually, once the dust settled, it a plus for my relationship dynamics.
One of the toughest and trickiest things for me (especially when I'm focusing on my subby side) is when my hopes and/or expectations are not being met. I've learned to be 100x more patient than I was 20 years ago; but what man's sexuality doesn't slow down a bit from 20 to 40? Yet that doesn't mean I don't have periods where I feel disappointed. And it's very tough, since I know... absolutely know... just how lucky I am. And yet, the feelings are there. Hurt, disappointment, even neglected. Often times it's just a breakdown in communication, othertimes it's simply real life interfering. Finding a balance in it all is tough. And its extra tough for me becuase I still hear a voice in my own head that negates what I'm feeling. I hear over and over "YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY/PATIENT/GRATEFUL!" And that just riddles me with guilt and angst and I feel like some Emo teen all over again.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just a PITA (Pain In The Ass,) ya know... the kinda guy who's just annoying? Like the guy who is off camera in this little XXX clip.
So, last week when I had my mini-melt down, it phased me a little. I like to think I'm beyond that, but obviously it can still happen. The good news is that after a week off of it, all's good. I got a little spanking Saturday from Mistress after helping her out a bit around her house. She gave it to me "just to assert that she has control and because it's good to keep a boy reminded of his place." And that is just all good by me. ;)
Yesterday, my love and I went to the dungeon and I got to play switch and be the dom one. It was a bit being all "dom" while still locked in my chastity belt, but I have found that the hardest part of the belt now is physical. Psychologically it's something I've learned to deal with - though I usually only go a week, and at most, two.
Either way, my life is good. Not just because of all the things I have in my life, but because I try really hard to keep persepective on it.Sometimes I have to remind myself sometimes that even the other side of the coin has another side of the coin!