Ok, this is all just my opinion (obviously), but I consider there to be two types of chastity - play & sincere. How a person defines these varies, but in general "play" is shorter term, it's more about the fun of the experience. On the other hand, "sincere" is about a deeper type of experience where it is focused on the control. The chastised is more likely not to be sure when, or if, release will happen. Some people "play" for hours, some for days. Some might even play for weeks.
Usually though, sincere chastity is on the longer time line. More often defined by days, and weeks, even months and in rare instances years - but I think the most important aspects of are the sacrifice and control - taken or surrendered, however you like to perceive things. And sincere chastity play can be extremely intense. We've read time and time again on these forums how many of us men have entered in to chastity and found it far more intense than ever envisioned.
There are also two kinds of posters on chastity forums, reality ones and fantasy ones. Now, there's nothing "wrong" about having fantasies and having fun, but when fantasy folks try to pass off their wank material as real posts it hurts the real players. And real players can be folks interested in either play or sincere chastity - the point is they
*really* wear a belt, and they
*really* want someone in their life to hold a key. Just earlier this week "Vanilla Edge" Tom posted a
great rant, and for anyone who is interested incorporating real chastity into their lives, it's a very good read - and a VERY justified rant.
The thing is fantasy wankers have over run too many chastity forums. Chastity is a very new reality. It has only become an affordable reality for casual players in the last 8 or 10 years, and we are very much in the phase of discovery and learning. And the constant wanking really hurts any kind of real discussions. That's one of there reasons why I wrote my
chastity FAQ. There is a real need for honest and open communication and support between people who are or are considering being locked up. And it's VERY tough to find. There is a lot of fluffing going on because of people's fantasies. And it's overwhelming and intimidating. I know of innumerable stories of people (especially women) who are seeking a place to
find support from other women about becoming a keyholder.
And the sad and ugly truth is that
EVERY site that I have ever found as a resources that has some merit, falls apart. It gets overwhelmed by wankers who seem inclined to pass off chastity as a some kind of must have gateway to some or all of the following:
An Attentive Husband - Chastity is not the fix for a relationship
Forced Feminization - Oooooooh pleeeeeeeeze force me!
Cuckolding - Not for everyone - I promise you that.
Hey folks, do what you want, I'm a huge fan of that. Heck, go ahead and fantasize on the forums, but please realize that if someone is seeking out help, and every post on a forum is some kind of extreme kink fantasy - it will discourage them. If it's fantasy, be clear about it - don't deceive people. It discourages real keyholders, and that hurts all of us. I have seen it countless times. A sincere woman posts on a forum - and within a week or two, anytime they post there are dozens of follow ups. Some lecturing her about what she "should be" doing, or just overwhelming her for attention. And then, before you realize it, she's gone. Never to return. I hear time and time again that it was just too much - too extreme, too overwhelming.
So the "real" folks miss out on learning about it. The miss out on a community. And then there is one more discouraged potential keyholder out there. The real chastity experience is lost in the overwhelming greed and selfishness of one handed typers. Heck folks, isn't there enough fantasy out there? Can't you get your wank on without chasing off people? Hey, I like fantasy too... watch the kind of films I made when I got the game "
The Movies" -
Insolent Slave V video @
sharebee 6MB video.
The thing is, wearing a chastity belt day and night is usually a very tough experience - both physically and emotionally. It is a massive roller coaster, and going beyond a couple hours or days of playing into the deeper levels of a D/s dynamic is pretty intense stuff. So please, I implore you - respect the real players enough to let them have their say. Don't drown the truth in your fantasy.
Sincere exchanges are necessary for us all to grown and learn. When a woman who was interested in learning more about what it might a man's mindset might be sent me this Q&A interview it really made me think about how I respond and address things.
How do you navigate the intense psychological aspects of this?I try to focus on patience, honesty and communication. There have been quite a few emotional trials. Along with other aspects of D/s that I seek in my life, my relationship with my g/f has experienced ups and downs. Chastity play as fantasy and as reality is one of the deeper and more intense aspects in our relationship.
How have you handled failures?I try not to fail, and I try not to look at any of it as a failure too. Maybe it's semantics, but I try to look at some of the hard times as learning experiences. Where can I find a place in there to grow as a person, in my relationship - and more specifically, as a submissive.
What are some processes you've implemented or assignments you've completed to help you through the scene?We haven't done it in a reward/assignment system at all. Though my keyholder did say one day "I'll lock you up until you get back into shape" - the fact is that her dedication to D/s in general is insufficient to affect my subservience in that deep a regard.
With that said, to answer the second part of your question "help you through the scene" I think we've all found that the chastity experience takes some adjusting to. As many men have noticed, waking in the morning with a straining erection can be very tough. Over time I've learned to get through that, though my g/f does allow me to get unlocked at night, if I promise to behave myself. I've never violated that promise, though there have been two nights when I told her that I would not be able to make that promise, and as a result I was not let out. The fantasy stories of "she forced me into a belt and I couldn't get out no matter what, and she kept me locked for weeks..." well that's pure fantasy stuff. The reality is getting the fit right and learning to live with it (and keep things moisturized and clean in there) are a different reality.
Do you consider it edge play?Sincere chastity? Definitely. The toughest experience I ever had to process scene wise. There was a night that I fully expected to get released from the belt and was denied. That is the occasion which I described myself as an "emotional puddle" - I loved that she dominated me that way, not to be cruel, but just because she could. And I hated it too. And it all aroused the hell out of me. And there I was locked up. And wow. What a total mind fuck.
If so, what makes it worth the risk?
The pay off. The personal exploration of my own emotional and spiritual boundaries. I truly wish that chastity weren't the physical challenge that it is. I do enjoy some of the physical aspects of the control. And I try to mentally picture wearing a chastity device as if my g/f has a firm grip on my member, is looking me into the eyes, and silently mouthing the word "no" *dreamy sigh*
Also as a small point of clarification, the orgasm after some time in release is extremely intense, but not always pleasurable. It can border on, or be genuinely painful sometimes. Depending on how long I have been locked up, and how aroused I've become during the experience - and how tight the belt & base ring of the belt are, my ejaculate can become very coagulated. And though there is definitely a major relief that comes with the release, it can be more intense than it is pleasurable. That takes more than a day or two in the belt but it definitely happens.
What's the difference between begging & whining?Defining where this line is can be extremely tough. And I have definitely read recounts within the sincere chastity community there can be relationships with issues that carry themselves out this way. Most players agree that begging in the moment or a scene is a pretty intense, and sexy
thing - totally hot. However, the kind of "incessant whining" that can happen within a struggling D/s dynamic is tedious and totally cold. Please bear in mind that is just my opinion of an ideal D/s dynamic. I'm sure there are people out there who enjoy that kind of aspect in their dynamic, it's just not for me, and from what I've read... not for most.
For those D/s dynamics where there is whining, and it's not enjoyed by the dominant, I would hope that there could be a communication that could resolve it. Many subs think the idea of giving up the control of chastity is really hot, however the reality is usually dramatically different from the fantasy.
From what I've read / seen / experienced, far more often then not the issue is that the dominant simply enjoys keeping the sub in chastity without dramatically paying more attention to the aspect of control, simply accepting it as it is. So there becomes an almost greater feeling of neglect by the sub, since they are being dominated so personally and so intimately, but the actual interaction of it is really very minimal. It almost becomes an absent domination, and can feel very empty and very lonely. Which makes it a much rockier experience than most subs expect.
So they whine for release. Not just release as in orgasm, but on a deeper level they seek a release from the loneliness that comes with sincere chastity.
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So if you are lonely and posting your fantasies on the forums, ask yourself - Is it possible that your need for attention is ultimately adding to your loneliness?
Recently a scene friend asked for my help with redesigning the website for a new kinky resource, the "Power Play Academy". PPA offers online real time training courses for all kinds of BDSM aspects. So head over to powerplayacademy.org and take a peek.
This just in from our special correspondent, O.K. 
