Playstation perverts?

I thought these were just a pair of really cool ads that were well worth sharing. They have to be a few years old since it was for the PS2 - but I had never seen them before.
Gender bending & poly... I don't know what that has to do with video games, but hey - the future is unknown, right?

Chastity FAQ

I wrote this originally back on 2005 for the Yahoo CB-3000 group. The great majority of posts were about these same questions and after a couple hundred times responding to them, I figured I would give myself and Tom a break and make an official FAQ.

I don't know if making the FAQ was bad or good, since it made helping to new folks on the Yahoo group a bit boring for me. I just kept posting the FAQ link and say "Check the part about _____".

I'm sure it helped some folks at least. Over time though I got bored of the forum since it was almost always the same questions - and the same guys posting their fantasy "OMG!!! She snuck this belt on me while I was sleeping!!!" kind of silly stuff. Either way, here it is in case you want to read it - Chastity FAQ.

Fantasy & Reality

For those who followed my blog entry from Friday, well... things went along fine. It was a good example of when fantasy and reality don't quite match up. I am really learning to enjoy the reality, and not worry so much about making the fantasy come so absolutely perfectly true.

BTW - I am using these maid pictures as a good example for the differences between the world of fantasy and the world of reality.

So, Friday nights' dinner went pretty much as expected, although two of the women I expected to be there didn't show up. However there were plenty of other cuties in some really hot boots and high heels were click clacking on the hard floors. *dreamy distracted sigh*

Unfortunately though, dinner took a lot longer than usual, and by the time I got out of there an called home, my keyholder was falling asleep on the couch. She'd done her best, but by the time I got home (around 11) she was knackered. So, the climax to the whole exciting day and night was pretty lost. My love offered me the key so that I could get off if I wanted to, however I asked if she thought we might be able to have some fun before her work in the morning. She said 'maybe' so I offered to wait until then and she agreed.

Now, the simply reality is that a night locked up like that - after all that excitement and still in the luv2lock device would've made me very raw down there. However, the idea of her forcing me to stay locked away is really hot to me. However, when I said "You know, you could order me to just stay locked up..." she said "Oh I couldn't do that." Well, see that's that tricky line between her ability to actually assert her Dominance and be genuinely sadistic, vs my desire for it. So, I got unlocked, after I promised to behave.

The next morning I was given a release, or more accurately, allowed to release. She over slept a bit, and was rushing things and after some time in the belt I become quite sensitive down there - so her technique, well it was too much. After release we smooched, I rolled over and fell right back asleep, she hit the shower and left for work. Rather anti-climatic after all my emotional build up - but I really appreciated her surprising me on Friday morning like that. Even though things didn't end the way I might've imagined it, the fact is that my Friday was a helluva lot more interesting than it would've otherwise been. And I also find that little moments of random domination like that really help keep me more open to submitting. When it doesn't happen at all for while, I find that if she asserts herself, I resist it a great deal more. Even just a little bit of random direction on any given day here or there can go a very long way. An order to put wear panties all day, put on high heels before she gets home - it seems to keep me in the practice of submitting. It reminds me that she can assume control if the inclination hits her, and it definitely makes it that much easier for her to nudge me over the cliff into sub-space.

Anywho... on Saturday night "Princess Reigna" got hung up with real life, and had to cancel dinner. The g/f was insistent that we were going to have a date night anyway, but by the time she got in the door at home she was pooped. I ran out and picked up PF Chang's and brought it home. My love was cuddled and sleeping by 10. BTW, we found out that PF Chang's lists the nutrition stuff on their web site - the 6 layer chocolate cake that has 2200 calories and 90g of fat! If you eat that, and wonder why your corset don't fit, well... you can stop wondering.

On other thing for those guys out there who think about how hot it would be to be a sissy maid, the reality is often different. First, you likely won't look like the picture to the above left in your little maid uniform. And the odds are very good that the Mistress isn't going to treat you like the maids pictured below. Sorry to break that news to you. On the plus side, your Mistresses place might become very clean; if you do a good job. And you will get to know your Mistress better. True service can definitely have its own rewards ;)

Yes for her, no for me.

Wow, that was mean - and I love her for it. It's really rare that I don't see chastity play time coming. I think that I could count on my hands the number of times that I didn't suspect that a lockup was in the air. Today was one of those days. Big time. And wow. I tell ya, it feels so totally different when it is not expected. It's such a turn on, much more frustrating.

So here I am locked up, nothing I can do about it, and that's a big turn on and... well... *SIGH*

Last night we were supposed to have some fun. But we were both pooped tired. She worked hard, I worked hard. I ran some errands, bought her a fancy new juicer that she wanted to play with. Her back was sore... the energy just wasn't right. So I said, "how about I just give you a massage, and tomorrow morning, why don't you wake me up that way." *wink, wink* For those of you playing at home, "that way" means I wake up from my sleep with her lips on my body... so that's what we decide to do.

She fell asleep minutes after the massage. I was up another hour or so - though I was a bit tempted, I figured I wouldn't masturbate. I'd be extra ready in the morn. I've been trying to deny myself a little more - reading some other guys who say things about themselves like "my need for submission" - which is vastly different from my selfish "need to be dominated" mindset. Any way, this morning she starts on me. I'm totally hot, crazy hot... she then stops and says "You don't get to cum this morning, I want you to put on your chastity belt before I leave." And then with a mischievous glare she said, "maybe tonight I'll let you out, if you don't whine about it."

Ok, I'm back. I had to walk away for a few mins, just typing that made my belt very uncomfortable.

I don't know if she is reading my blog and the prostate milking thing inspired her. I don't know if she wanted to reward the pervert in me for being good yesterday by punishing me today (the old joke of "How do you reward a masochist - with punishment, of course.") Any who, I go down - she has an absurdly hot orgasm. And then I'm locked up. And I do my best not to whine, though I like to whine, I like the idea of an orgasm tonight more.

What's a real kicker is I've got dinner plans with a whole group of friends, and several are really attractive women. They all smoke, and flirt, and they usually wear high heels - by the time I get home I'm going to be a frothing mindless blob of almost in sub-space chastised man! ;)

And I have to behave tonight, if I don't get released tonight I won't make it through tomorrow. We are having dinner with a woman whom I once referred to as "Princess Reigna". I know my limit to what I can handle, and if reality doesn't kill me - my imagination will!

Ok, I need to finish this entry and shut up. This chastity belt is killing me. I was told to wear it with the modified "Luv2Lock" device (they are no longer in business) - otherwise I could pull out of the belt and cheat. The L2L is so tight that I could never get back in. What's more is that it punishes any arousal. Not in a break the skin way that the POI do, though if I wear it for 24 hrs straight it makes my whole world raw. I've looked into a few other modifications, but haven't gotten around to trying to make any as yet. I'm not sure if this belt style can work for me for more than a few days no matter what modifications. And I'm not sure I even want to find out if it could. Sincere chastity (when you can't get out without destroying the belt) is absurdly hot in fantasy, but an emotional roller coaster in reality. I love and hate it.

That's it, not another word. I can't take it. *emotional love puddle*

*************** 2 hrs later follow up ***************

I swear to God, there is something out there that lets women know that I'm locked up in my chastity belt!!!

I just got off the phone with the friend formerly known as "Princess Reigna" and I'm trying to figure out what went wrong with her web site. I've spent 2 hrs on hold and I'm frustrated. I'm cursing more than usual when I'm describing the hellish hold music to her - and she says "What is up with you? I've never heard you like this?" I explained that ever since I quit smoking two months ago, I have a much shorter fuse... she responds by saying, "Oh yeah, I'm off that wagon, started smoking again. All white cigarettes, my dark red lipstick is smeared all over them..." My God! What the hell is up with that? It's not fair!!! I told her I had to go, and hung up as quickly as possible. *pant, sigh, drip*

Ya know, when a kinky dominant woman knows my fetishes, I feel like a yo-yo at the end of a string. At any moment they can "walk the dog" - they just don't play fair at all. And I love that. I hate it too, but mostly I love it.

Ok, I'm going to go pull my hair out now. *sigh*

Prostate Massage - animation & info

I don't even want to admit how much time I wasted on making this animated gif yesterday. Click the picture to see the animation.

Prostate massage, when done for long enough can be a way of emptying out a man's of his semen without orgasm, its called prostate milking. For most men it takes a while (most folks say at least 7 days) to build up enough semen to even succeed with this, and it is usually a time consuming process. Most folks I know who've succeed with this say it takes 20-40 minutes of attention back there and some practice getting familiar to the sensations for it to work - and it definitely doesn't work for everyone. I have tried it a few times, manually and with the Aneros - without success. I've tried with my g/f and solo, but no success. But we haven't tried that many times and we're not super patient. It's a very intense sensation even without results. Almost like when you've held urinating for a long time and finally get to go - but without the "ahhhh" that comes when you finally empty your bladder.

It's generally recommended within the long term chastity community, since there are some studies showing that not ejaculating isn't healthy for the prostate. Most dommes will milk their male sub every 2-4 weeks, if they are keeping him chastised long term.

Anyway, for those who are really curious to know more:
Here are the best guides I have read one & two.

And some products that have been recommended: Aneros line or the Rude Boy, another option is to just google for "g spot massager" - BTW, the male prostate is sometimes called the P-spot.

Even if you aren't shooting for milking the man, prostate stimulation is a very intense experience. Some men love it, most describe it as a bit mixed - intense for sure, not entirely pleasurable, but not entirely unpleasant either. Always remember, be gentle back there, lots of lube & lots of communication - have fun ;)

A Smokin' Calendar

Wow. I had to share some pictures I found on a blog that are from Andre de Plessel's 2008 calendar - "I Smoke: the spirit of smoking".

His web site doesn't have any mention of the calendar that I could find. And although googling up Andre's name gets more links to the same pictures and references to the calendar, none seem to point me to anywhere to buy it.

I found it weird that there are 27 pictures showing up for the calendar. No matter how I do my math I have a hard time getting 12 into 27, even with 1 for the cover. But hey, I'm not complaining. The women and setting and outfits - corsets, latex, gloves, spike heels, heavy lipstick, sunglasses, all done to perfection and not a single dirty looking brown "cork" filter cigarette in any of the shots, HOT!

Corsets 4 Men

I wrote this about two years ago for a dominant woman friend of mine who wanted to get a corset for her husband, so I figured I would just do a copy & paste job on it - since none of the information has changed and there isn't too much information out here on teh interweb (that isn't a spelling error, it is how geeks write it) about men and starting corsetry.

First, if at all possible, go somewhere and try a few real corsets on. Everyone has a different physique, and corset styles and shapes vary a great deal. How a corset fits and feels one person might be totally different from how it fits and feels on another. Everyone has their preferences for styles, and designers, and fabrics etc. Corsets for an experienced wearer can be a VERY personal thing.

With that said, there are two great websites for reasonably affordable off the rack (non-custom) made corsets. They sell several brands, but the two I recommend for starting are either by Axfords & Vollers - who are two of the two biggest and best off the rack companies, IMO.

I've ordered from both stores, and had no problems with getting the corsets promptly, or returning them if necessary (which I did once, when the style just didn't fit me at all - for a store credit to be used later.) The two shops I recommend are: Corset Connection & Absolute Corsets. The both carry many of the same corsets, sometimes one is a little cheaper than the other. But I have had nothing but great experiences with both of them.

Now, about the fit. Men have a lower natural waist then women, which makes it all the harder to compress at the normal height of a woman's waist. Some corset companies manufacture specific mens corsets - personally I loathe these. They generally have a very limited shape to them, and while I don't wear a corset to fool people into thinking I'm a woman, I want some curves. So, with that said, I go with these two styles that seem to fit me pretty well in general. Since men don't have breasts - keep that in mind when ordering. Every off the rack over bust style I have seen won't fit well on a man (as an over bust style) there is just going to be a too much room left up top. Custom corsets, or specific styles - like the straight front Edwardian might, but for simplicities sake... if you buy an over bust then plan to wear it as an under bust. My two recommendations for a starter corset are the: 1891U style & the C130 style. I find that the bust area of the 130 is well used to give me added room for the rib cage - so I wear it as an under bust.

I have worn both of these styles in many several sizes. I wear them both as under bust styles, although the top of the C130 I wear right at my nipple line, while I wear the 1891U a little further down, just below my pectorals. By wearing the C130 (which is an over bust style) as an under bust, the room where the breasts normally fill allows me extra room for my rib cage and makes it quite comfortable.

Again, if at all possible, go to a store where you can try them on. Remember, off the rack styles fit everyone differently, and as you are a man trying out a corset made for a woman, the laces in the back might not line up perfectly when it fits "snug" - however, that's a small compromise to make for a good fit IMO. And if you plan to sit with any regularity while wearing it, be sure to do that when you are trying it on - because the longer styles can really push down painfully on the parts where a man is, that a woman isn't - get my drift? ;)

Just a little more info: Three other companies that make off the rack corsets that are commonly seen are, Versatile Fashions, Victoria's Secret & Fredricks of Hollywood. Both the VS & Fredricks styles are actually corselettes (very light corsets) and aren't good at all as real corsets. They are cheaper and probably just as good for a night or two out, but if you really want a corset, I wouldn't recommend them. The boning is plastic so it won't shape you significantly, and the stitching in the corset isn't designed to withstand the pressure that lacing up a corset significantly would put on it. The Versatile Fashion brand ones are more expensive, but IMO are not as well constructed when compared to Axfords & Vollers. Sometimes the Versatile are frayed at the seams in the store just from people trying them on. On the plus side, they use spectacular fabrics, so if money isn't an issue, it might be worth looking at their corsets. Although for that cost, I would look towards a custom corset myself.

Good luck shopping & have fun corsetting. And for more information or support (or just because you want some more wank materials you freak!!!), well then checkout the Male Corsetry Blog.

PS: The lucky guy in that first picture isn't me. I won't show my face because my privacy is too important for me. Either way, that photo is by "moonpanther". I tried to contact her (him?) but got no reply. If (s)he wants me to remove the picture, just contact me.

FemDom Music

Here are a few recommendations, and since there are so many I figured I'd post links rather than lyrics.

Sneaker Pimps, a female led, edgy late 90s - early 00s "Trip Hop" style group. Similar to Portishead.

Lyrics for: - "Roll On" - A dominant woman takes, teases & denies
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Pursuit of Happiness - a mediocre late 80s - 90s "college band"

Lyrics for: - "Cigarette Dangles" - FemDom/smoking fetish
Lyrics for: - "Nobody But Me" - A sub whines about his Domme

They have lots of other songs, but I can't pick them out by title alone, so here are all of them. Lyrics for: all songs.
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She Wants Revenge - a gothic / industrial club style group that is current 05-08. They have a real edge to their music, and I'm sure they have more songs like that one, I haven't heard too much of their other work, but even the group name is promising ;)

Lyrics for: "Tear You Apart" - A subby guy who is attracted to, and also afraid of a fem fatale; just like the moth to the flame.

Another group with a very strong female lead and a similar tone to SWR, is "Snake River Conspiracy" - look them up if you like the heavier edgy goth club type stuff, with a kick ass female lead.
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The first one I heard, Billy Joel's - "She's Always a Woman to Me"

OT - Animal Lovers

I got an e-mail from a friend regarding a site I've cared about and supported for sometime: The Animal Rescue Site. They're having trouble getting enough people to click on it to meet their quota of getting free food donated to abused and neglected animals.

I have it setup as my internet home page. When I start my browser, I click. It's pretty painless, maybe you can help out too? At the very least, pass the word along and inform others about the site. Otherwise I might have to send killer after ya!

Patience, trust, love... CANDY!!!

Earlier today on a chastity forum, another poster really reminded me of myself a few years ago. Specifically he reminded me of all the anxiousness and excitement that bubbled inside of me - to be honest; it bubbled over.

He's recently got his first chastity device and he's was wondering how to make (his word) his g/f interested in taking control as a key holder. And in the world of chastity fantasy stories it's really easy. Heck, in most of the fantasy stories you don't have to even ask, she comes to you and either demands, or maybe tricks you or well... it's her assertion, you can be sure of that. The most a man ever has to do in the world of chastity fantasy literature is show her the key and suddenly the next thing you know she's wearing a latex cat suit... and having multiple orgasms... and you are locked up... and your head is spinning. The other thing that happens is that she glances over your shoulder and sees a chastity belt on a web site, or maybe finds out you were surfing and she found out. However, the reality of the matter is quite different. In fact, 99.44% of the time things progress a lot more slowly - and some times the head spinning gives you a head ache, or just makes you feel nauseous.

Over the last 18 years of my life (ack, that sounds fucking old!!!) I have gone through lots of wonderful and challenging life experiences. One of the most interesting ones, and what this blog is really mostly about - is my evolving sexuality. After my divorce in 2002 I decided that I had to give up the idea of converting a woman to this world. It was time to quit "domme dressing" a woman and hoping to make a kinkster out of someone who is just tolerant, maybe accepting, or perhaps even curious about it. I needed to find someone who absolutely knows they are a kinkster. And yet, I've learned that even if she's a kinkster and I promise you, she is a kinkster... the fact is that my fetishes and fantasies are mine, and her fantasies and fetishes are hers. Just because she's a very willing partner, doesn't mean that the images and actions that have rolled around in my head for however many years and evolved and developed and grown and flourished... are what she's going to come to completely naturally on her own. Heck, it might not even be what she wants to do.

Fortunately she *IS* a kinkster, so she's generally willing to try. But we've got this twisted process sometimes... ok fine... it's really me, but techically we are an *us* because we're a couple. Anyways here's what happens... my g/f takes a step towards asserting herself, my nature is to become so totally excited by it that I absolutely act like a kid in a candy store, and then I muck it all up.

OMG!!! I want this!!! and that!!! and oh oh, gimme those!!! and some of them!!!
and my love becomes overwhelmed and takes what is a very natural, cautionary emotional step backwards. And then I'm hurt, and disappointed, and my head is spinning, and it becomes some kind of dysfunctional rinse & repeat. Finding a way to communicate and process the experiences is taking time. Finding a fun happy medium to the reality v fantasy game sometimes is a genuine effort. Ah... but when it clicks... *sigh*

In time, with communication, love, understanding, respect, tolerance, perversion, fun, adventure... and many other things all thrown into the blender that is our spirits as one it'll work out. I feel stronger about that every day.

Oh My Goth!

For those of you who have really followed this blog, my second ever blog entry was about Arachnoidea (pictured right) and her latest corset design, which is still the most beautiful corset I have ever seen.

So tonight I find that Arachnoidea has posted a Photobucket Gallery of shots featuring her in the corset. And she's holding a cigarette in some of the pictures - if anyone doubts about if there is a God or if God answers prayers, trust me there is and prayer does in fact work.

Now, a cigarette holder is not my thing, but I'm not going to be absurdly greedy, and I'm sure some fetishists will probably have a heart attack when they see these shots. So to sum this all up, I have to steal one of my girlfriend's expressions - Oh My Goth!

Big Brother (Sister?) is watching you

If you are like me and look for innocent things and some less than innocent things on your computer - you might want to be aware of tracking cookies. Today I noticed that YouTube is tracking me. Like many sites (such as amazon.com) you might have noticed that when you login they are "pushing" things at you which are based on what you look for at their site. They do this by tracking your visits to their site, and putting a cookie on your computer that shows where you went and what you look at, and what you might want to buy. So if you sometimes search for BDSM, FemDom, Genderplay, Perverted Knitting, or just an almost vanilla pair of size 14 thigh high boots in black PVC with 5" heels.

Cookies can be a good or bad thing. If you are the only person using your computer, and you only login and visit sites from home, well then it's all good. Or if you are disciplined enough when you are done to remember to always logout of those sites - then you are probably all good too. However, if you are like me and never think to logout, and sometimes other people pop on your PC, or you login to these sites remotely (like when you visit your parent's,) well then your privacy is definitely at risk. And if that's something important to you, then you might want to take some actions.

Now, the what to do. On youtube it is called "Active Sharing" and it's in your profile. On amazon.com it's all listed in your profile. Now, while having these sites track what you visit is generally a good thing... However how much of it that gets shared with the www, well that's not always a good thing. On amazon.com, you can set it to keep your purchase and profile information private, otherwise what you are looking at might even show up on google! Down near the bottom of the your account page on amazon is the category "Improve Your Recommendations" - turned off "Manage Your Browsing History" and you should be good.

YouTube's sharing will show on the video pages who visited what, and it keeps an active history, so if you have a profile (which you have to create to access any of the age protected "questionable" stuffs) then you might want to check off active sharing.

Oh and if you don't know how to clear your browser cache and download history - that's privacy 101 stuff. So (assuming you are using Internet Explorer) here are the google search links you need: Clear History & Clear Cache.

Call me a fetish snob

Call me a fetish snob, but sometimes the little things can totally detract, distract, or even destroy something that is otherwise so fetishy hot. Here we have Lindsay Lohan looking all kinds of sassy in a leather dress, with gooey lipstick and dark sunglasses... and then I see those fingernails. The chipped black nail polish, nails bitten down to the skin. Total fetish buzz kill.

Earlier this week I replied to a blog entry comment by a good friend,
Miss Troy Orleans. Miss Orleans highly recommended that I run to the theater to catch Kiera Knightley's smoking in "Atonement", however Kiera smokes hand rolled cigarettes. And while that's not a total kill for me, it is a huge distraction. Of course there are other smoking fetishists who just love the hand rolled cigarettes. Some for the style of it, some for the ceremony, some for the higher level of nicotine & tar - to each their own... it's just not my thing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll check it out at some point, but it'll be on DVD for sure ;)

Definitions of terms

Earlier this week on the Hang forum there was a discussions that brought up what I consider a problem within the BDSM community - the absence of solid definitions for many terms. The specific discussion that came up was if CBT included ball kicking & crushing. Most folks agreed that it didn't.

However what is or isn't CBT does vary. For some hanging weights or parachute play is ok for others it isn't. For some cigarette burns and needles are good fun - others, not so much... clothes pins or bondage on the bits were generally ok - but the bottom line is what is a fun time with CBT varies a good deal. What's more is there isn't an agreement on what CBT means even. We did agree that it isn't Computer Based Training and it isn't Cognitive Behavioral Therapy either. And while we agree that the CB is Cock & Balls, the T means different things for different people. Torment, torture, teasing, tickling... it's all rather undefined. Though it's pretty clear that a sub's pain tolerance down there seems to be the guiding definition.

I guess that's just another reason to make sure you explain things clearly when playing with someone who isn't very familiar with your limits. For me, I usually say "mild CBT is ok" clothes-pins are fine, but no impact to my testicles and no cutting or burning. That generally works out ok. I also mention that I hate wax, ice cubes, fine... candle wax = RED!!! (Not that I've ever actually used a safe word.)

Another term that is really misunderstood or simply inaccurate, T&D. I have found that everyone agrees that it stands for Tease & Denial. Now, maybe it's because I'm into chastity play, but if the scene doesn't last for 24 hours, then I find it silly to call it denial. Delay for sure... Tease & Delay, yup that's accurate. But denial? Seriously folks, doesn't denial = no? It isn't "not yet" - its no. At least that is how things add up in my mind.

With all that said, the only term that has actually caused me confusion was when I was first looking around in the scene. I have seen sites that say no anal play, but list "dildo training" or "strap-on training" as an activity. Perhaps it is all a legal definition of terms thing, but it never made any sense to me. In the end though, some places it's evidently perfectly ok to put on a strapon, and shove it down someone's throat, but pick another body hole and that's a very naughty thing.

*shrug*

It's a silly world sometimes, isn't it?

Another term that gets thrown around and means different things to different folks - milking. For some folks this means "handjob" for others it means prostate milking. These are two very different experiences, I can promise you that! And while probably every Mistress is capable of performing the former, I suspect most aren't interested in indulging you. Unless you're talking about icy hot as a lube - and an extended T&D thing. ;)

Oh and before I forget... I would be remiss as a corset wearer and fetishist if I didn't explain this one. If it doesn't have real metal boning, then it isn't a corset. It might be a waist cincher, it might be a perfectly lovely satin corselette - and it might give you lovely cleavage, but it isn't a corset. A corset is a very significant under garment (or over garment if you so choose) that takes a great deal of work to complete and shapes your figure. That thing you got at Fredrick's of Hollywood or Victoria's Secret for $50 or $80 isn't a corset. And don't try to tight-lace yourself in it, that'll only wear the stitching and the seams out quicker than you can say "Aarkey was right, it's not a corset!"

Lastly, where the lines between these two terms, I still do not know: transvestite & cross-dresser. Who's wearing what and how often and for what motivation? And what one best describes a guy who looks hot when he gets in drag, but not because he actually thinks he's a woman but just because he looks like a cute guy in drag - or partially in drag, ya know with the stubbly beard and guy arms, but shaved legs under a short skirt and some sassy heels. What's the term for that?

Oh and PS, they're heels on your feet, not heals. That term definition is not up for negotiation! :D

I got censored!

That's a first! Maybe it was a technical error or something, but another male sub blog author appears to have deleted a comment I made on his blog. I basically was talking about how the tone of his blog was so consistently negative that I thought he might be manifesting some of the troubles he was having in finding a D/s partner. I know that when I focus on the down-side of compatibility, or the myriad of challenges we all have in balancing a relationships, made all the more exciting with D/s aspects of it, well it's easy to slide into that same mire.

But wow. I actually got censored... I'm stunned. Life's not fair and all
that, but hey... I don't focus on it. Sometimes it might feel like I keep taking it on the chin, but what about the old "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger" kind of attitude? Yes, being a hetero male sub puts us into the the deep end of the pool. Whatever the actual numbers are, there are far more of us than dominant women. It's that simple. Finding one who's unattached and where there is mutual chemistry - well, it's not always that easy.

Throw in all the different attitudes and styles within the BDSM scene and it's not always easy to get the holes in the punch cards to line up perfectly. FWIW, I strive to maximize who I am. Seek out my own rhythm and go with it. Communicate and love and to hell with the emotional pain. Grow as a person and bring what I can to the each day, friendship, scene. Because in the end I've found that no one likes being at a pity party for long, no matter how great the Hors d’Oeuvres.

We all have our down moments. Hell, I had a big moment myself last week, while on the phone with someone - but I don't want to live in those moemnts. I can't live in them. After a short while, I don't feel alive when I'm there. Ok, that's that. I've said my piece. I've got my blog and you can't censor me here. So... Phtttp! :P Oh and don't bother asking who's blog it was, if they're that insecure about someone's opinion I'm not going to see what happens if I call them out publicly - it isn't worth it.

For the image purists: #1 & #2

Meh.

What a bummer. My throat is sore from yelling at the TV watching the Cowboys lose. I'm glad there was no one here to watch the game with me, I can behave the way I want to - like a crazy person.

I am glad that the Giants fans stopped calling my phones after a while. I don't know if I've ever gloated that much about a Dallas win, but the G-men fans and Dolfans have definitely gloated over Dallas losses. I guess when winning is a rarity you really have to celebrate it.

/whinemodeoff

About "The Aarkey"

I figured that it was time to post two important comics that explain a bit about "The Aarkey." First, clicking this image (which I've used as my primary avatar for years) will show you the full Calvin & Hobbes cartoon that is it's origin. I think that it sums up my basic style of reasoning pretty well.

This second image from Red Meat by Max Cannon, is a great example of some of the primary pluses and minuses of being self employed.


BTW, while I do think it's more than a little weird to refer to yourself in third person, there is something that is very stylish about it too. So on rare occasions I do think it's important to refer to myself that way. I hope it doesn't creep you out too much, though "The Aarkey" doesn't care so much what you think.

It's a man, baby!

As some of you might've already read in my blog, for X-mas all I asked of my love is for her to seek out her Dominant side. So, she went and bought Female Domination, by Elise Sutton for herself. The other day I picked up the book and read a few pages here, and a few pages there. The fact of the matter is, I have no doubt in my mind that Elise Sutton is a man. And he's done pretty well for himself.

Now as long as the message is well written and received, I don't really care all that much that one of the most well read & sold Female Dominatrix guide books is written by a man, who is pretending to be a dominant women. I can't attest to how well it's being received by my g/f, but I do know that it isn't very well written. It reads like most of the free BDSM porn you find online.

Seriously, this book is pretty poor. I am stunned that something which has been so highly regarded and well reviewed (4 stars average out of 5 on Amazon) is such blatant wank material for kinky men, although that does at least explain why it has sold so well.

Either way, it is definitely sub-par when compared to the other guide books that I have read: The Mistress Manual, by Lorelei, The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance, by Claudia Varrin and The Sexually Dominant Woman, by Lady Green. Though in fairness the only book that goes beyond the basics is Ms. Varrin's. What a sham. Then again, I guess that just shows how much a market there is for this stuff, if something so mediocre can sell so well.

NFL Playoffs

Yes I'm going to talk football. Why? Well two reasons. First, I'm a Cowboys fan. Been one for a long while. Second, because of the whole Jessica Simpson - Tony Romo thing. Now analyst type folks are all chattering (because with a week to kill and only 4 games to talk about) because of Jessica & Tony. Jessica got some serious camera time during the Eagles game, and Tony played like crap. Dallas had been rolling over most opponents up until then, and Jessica had been to games before. But on that day she showed up looking extra hot, and if my imagination hasn't failed me - at least a bit Dommy. Now, folks are all wondering if Tony was distracted. I donno about you, but I'd be distracted. And yet, I think there is a bigger issue here.

Take a look at Jessica in that picture. She not only looks hot and sexy, but she also has the "glaring at you with the hand on her hips pose" going down perfectly. On a 1-10 scale of dommy poses that rates a 32. And well, if she took Tony over her knee that night because of what a poor game he played, then I think we Dallas fans have a very real issue on our hands. What man in his right mind wouldn't want Jessica to take him over her knee? It is the classic problem of a positive reward for a negative behavior. Just like the old question of "How do you really punish a masochist?"

What I would like to offer is my own tushy up for whatever punishment Tony deserves for playing poorly. That way Tony has every incentive to play well - since otherwise his hottie g/f is going to be taking out her frustration and disappointment on my butt. I consider this to be the ultimate win-win situation. Of course, I won't root as loudly for my Cowboys as I otherwise might've, but hey... I'm only doing it for the good of the team. I'm a giver that way. :)

Top's Disease

A few moments ago, while surfing around the various blogs related to BDSM I was reminded of just how ugly Top's Disease can be. The BDSM entry on Wikipedia defines "Top's disease" as: the tendency for some dominants to grow into a sense of infallibility or omnipotence. And I think that's a pretty good definition of where the disease leads, but like most illnesses, there are various stages of development. Emotional issues are often very tricky to define, and people's opinions or observations can differ greatly when interacting with people.

What might be perceived as confidence by one person, might be viewed as unmitigated arrogance by another person. And when brought within the context of D/s; where in some relationships, one person is quite literally worshiped - the distortion of self can be something that manifests very easily. Keeping a balance and remaining "right sized" in the universe has to be a very tricky game. I do know that if someone was begging (or paying) to swallow my bodily wastes it would definitely affect my view of my own importance in the universe at some point.

I definitely won't name names, I won't go out and play BDSM doctor and point out who has this or that, but if you see it - simply be aware of it. It is a real thing that affects some of the men and women who live their lives as the D in a D/s dynamic. I think that what is most important is simply not to feed into the disease. Always remember that the person is just one voice on the scene, that they are not the alpha and omega of BDSM. No one is, and no one should be.

Some of the most effective dominants I have met are people who can demonstrate their power without being abusive. They can take charge without throwing a tantrum, without name calling, without finger pointing. They can discuss matters with candor and intelligence, and can disagree with respect. But not all the dominants I have interacted with are worthy of those distinctions.

The tone of the voice is more important than the volume.

Smoking Styles - IRL part 2

Perhaps one of the most fascinating aspects of smoking by celebrities is the effort to hide or pretend that they don't smoke. I guess it has to do with the negative image, or a fear that if they're known as a smoker that it will encourage young women to emulate them. A good representation of this behavior is actress Debra Messing.

Ms. Messing was someone who was rumored to be a smoker for some time but was never photographed smoking. However, on her show,
"Will & Grace" in episode #4.5, "Loose Lips Sink Relationships", Ms. Messing had a smoking scene. So, rather than appear natural as a smoker, she tried to act as a non-smoker. The review on smoking sides shows that whatever fetishist watched her performance, they saw past her acting: "Although she coughs out her 3 exhales, the fact that she holds in the smoke for a long time after inhaling, and her cheek-collapsing inhales strongly suggest she is IRL."

Warning: Chastity Belt by "DD Machinery "

Just a note of caution to anyone out there who is buying or looking to buy a chastity device. I just read a shameful review of DD Machinery's "The Gauntlet" chastity belt by a member of the lock-n-keep forums regarding the horrible workmanship and the appalling customer service regarding this device. Within two weeks the parts were coming apart, collecting mold and rusting so terribly that it is unusable - and parts that were soldered together have even come apart. What's even worse is that the company hasn't returned the man's repeated efforts to contact them. Be warned.

Dream Scene 1

A couple years ago I made two "Dream Scenes" - this is the first one, from Woody Allen's movie Celebrity, starring Winona Ryder & Ken Branagh. I saw all the facial expressions in this scene and I just had to throw it together and put in my own dialog to create a dream scene. You have to click the picture to see it in full motion.

Another silly

This was too funny not to pass along.

It's in the rules

I don't care how good it tastes, it simply is never ever appropriate for a straight man to say "It's like an orgasm in my mouth."

If in doubt, see page 32 of the Guy Manual.

Smoking Styles - Intro: IRL

I think I'm going to make this a regular feature of the blog, a discussion about the subtle different styles of smoking. I'm going to start with something that is very important to many people within the smoking fetish community there is an expression "IRL" which means a great deal to some fetishists. It means, very simply "in real life."

The simple fact is that although most actresses and models smoke - not all of them do. If you disagree with me, think of an actress or model and go to smokingsides.com and look her up. I'll wager that more than 75% do at least occasionally. Anyways - sometimes they might pose with a cigarette, or act a part in a scene where their character is required to smoke. One actress who comes to mind immediately a non-smoker who plays a smoker sometimes is Jennifer Love Hewitt. She has now had 6 different roles where she played a smoker - though some with only one brief moment of holding or lighting up, but you can clearly tell by her style that although she's practiced a bit not to look awkward, and she looks relatively natural in a still picture, in motion it's very clear that she's not an IRL smoker.

With that said, sometimes it is clear that an actress is a smoker. I was doing further *cough* research *cough* about Kristian Alfonso since my blog entry referring to her last week. And in this You Tube Video I noticed something that really convinced me absolutely that she is smoker in her personal "real" life - IRL.

One thing that has always fascinated me about women smoking is every subtle distinct difference in their styles. Every smoker has little things they do differently. The way that they light the cigarette, the brand(s) they smoke, the way they inhale, or exhale, or even just hold it. There are literally dozens of sub-divisions within the smoking fetish community regarding these subtle differences. With that said, in that video of Ms. Alfonso there is one very distinct behavior that absolutely convinces me that she's an IRL'r - the way that she exhales her first drag to blow out the flame of the lighter after lighting her cigarette. Take a note at the following points of the video: 2:37, 2:55 5:30, 6:00. Perhaps most of all the moment at 1:43, when the male actor (with great subtlety) realizes he pulled the lighter away too quickly, and brings it back up for her when she leans in to blow out the flame. That moment just kills me. He's aware of her smoking style, and he's modifying his normal behavior to make her smoking experience more enjoyable. To me, that kind of little adjustment is part of what is at the heart of being a submissive smoking fetishist.

Most smoking fetishists will also note other subtle little behaviors. The way she holds it, the way that she exhales, the style of the cigarette; if you ever see a smoking character go from a white to a cork filtered brand from one scene to another, you can be quite confident that they aren't her specific cigarette brand, Since a non-IRLrs doesn't care that what kind of cigarette it is, where as a regular smoker would just use her own cigarettes. Either way, I'm as convinced that Ms. Alfonso is a real smoker, as I am that Ms. Hewitt isn't. At least during the time of the respective movies have been filmed.

A waist is not a terrible thing to mind

For those of you who have been following my blog a bit, I figured it was worth mentioning that it's getting easier for me to wear my corset again. When my girlfriend first suggested it - I got a bit whiny.

But just like exercise, it's a habit that definitely gets easier the more you do it. Hrm, I guess most habits are that way. Either way, I've been able to lace for periods of 2-3 hours without minding it at all this past week (and I'm laced up now) - which makes the idea of making it to 12 hrs a week much more reasonable. My body definitely adapts to corsetting again pretty quickly. And I'm reminded of why some women when they buy a corset and try to wear it to a party for 6 hours end up very discouraged about the experience. A few hours of practice here and there and I'm lacing down smaller and smaller without feeling like I'm being split into two.

I really wish they'd hand out a small pamphlet to women who buy a corset. All it needs to say is: "Just like a new pair of shoes, you need to allow some time to break in the corset to fitting your body. We suggest wearing this garment for a few hours over the course of a few days to break it in, prior to wearing it for an extended period."

That would however eliminate all those "OMG CORSETS ARE TEH EVUL!!!11!!!!" kind of inflammatory news reports - that there are all too many of out there. Then again, if the news couldn't scream "ARE YOU AT RISK!?!?! Tune in at 11!!" then they probably wouldn't know what to do with themselves. I do think we all have to admit that this particular young woman does look lovely in her corset - if only she wasn't an idiot about how she's going about it - and exaggerating things to an absurd degree. I did find it more than just a little bit funny that the doctor who only further exaggerates the horror of the corset is named, Stephen King. Exploding intestines, oh puhleeeeeze - what a bunch of drama queens.

On the other side of the British corsetting drama world, we have the lovely Italian classic goddess, Sophia Loren - and I think this video clip speaks for itself.

I swear this is true.

I swear this is true. My mp3 player is playing "Cigarette Dangles", by the Pursuit of Happiness - and this lovely picture of Kelly Brook popped up on my screen.

Now, I will have to admit that most mornings when I'm feeling particularly pervy, I often start my MP3 player with that song (and it's a pretty mediocre song, other than that the content is lovely IMO.) So I did kind of setup this whole situation, but the fact still remains that it's entirely a true story. :)

For more of the same, swing over to the newest smoking fetishist blogger - Nicotine Dream. Thus far I'm quite impressed, it is extremely rare for me to find such quality pictures that I haven't seen online a dozen times already. So kudos to you ND.

Corsetted Kathleen - Part II

More lovely pictures from the SciFi mini-series "TinMan" back in December, 2007.

Some kindly soul uploaded a wonderful 54MB video clip on mega upload, so if anyone wants to see these lovely corsetted costumes in motion, get downloading.

Watching these clips again reminded me how incredibly beautiful it is to watch a firmly corsetted woman's figure in motion. There is a real aspect of control and authority that comes with the rigid posture that a tight-laced waist requires. Additionally I'm not sure if the last outfit in the film is actually chain mail or not, but if it is, the way that it moves would make my girlfriend quite proud I'm sure.

Beyond Leather, 2008

BDSM Event - Beyond Leather, 2008
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - April 10-13

*Edge Play*
*Blood Sports*
*Discussion panels*
*Relationships*
*Ropesters*
*Fantasy*
*Skills*

I'm 99% sure we will be there, so if you are thinking about (or are definitely) going, drop us a note.