Twelve hours, in my corset, every week - that's what she ordered. And even though I'd asked her for encouragement,
I find myself whining about it, repeatedly. To the point where she's kind of annoyed - that's the last thing I want.
See, I haven't been cross-dressing at all lately. And I definitely haven't been wearing my corset very much. I'm totally out of practice. To top it off, those rare times when I am in a corset, my g/f has always said, "You really need to wear that more often" - and that's been that. The encouragement ended there. There was no direction to put it on, well "no direction" isn't accurate, but it was limited. Perhaps once a month on average I was told to wear something feminine during the day.
In October, I decided to pretend to myself that she had ordered me to spend the month dolled up as much as possible. I kept my legs shaved for the entire month. That's the first time I'd ever shaved them more than 2x consecutively, and damn if it isn't tough to keep the skin from drying out! I wore panties anytime I wasn't going to do some form of exercise and working out (though not to sleep in, since they don't breath and I do sweat like a guy) - and I wore heels around the house a lot. Sadly it seemed that although she didn't mind it, she barely acknowledged it. She seemed downright indifferent really. Not once did she push it up to the next level. The apathy really gets disheartening.
So I grew more frustrated by the lack of any D/s in our relationship. When shed asked what I wanted for my b'day and X-mas (I'm a late Scorpio btw) - I said one thing... for you to be more assertive,
more dominant. I have no wants in my life as far as stuff or things. I'm very blessed that way. But for whatever reason - maybe it is my heart or libido or imagination - it never seems to be nearly fulfilled.
And she becomes more assertive, and puts her foot down. And my response is to whine.
I think it's part of the feeling forced thing. Yah, I like to wear girly stuff. It gets me hot. Panties feel so nice and it's naughty to do, and that's just frickin hot. And heels, well if I may say so I've got some
good girl gams for a guy. At least they're good enough that my g/f is jealous.
So, while I like to get into drag - but I'm also lazy. And I like to be dominated. And the idea of "put this one because I tell you to"
(with the hands on hips glaring at me thing) and well, that's sweaty palms kind of hot. So I think that whining is my way of pretending that I don't want to be thrown into the briar patch. It's kind of role-playing that the whole drag thing is "forced" - but it seems to annoy my g/f. And that bums me out, quite a bit - the last thing I want to do is annoy or discourage her. The second last thing I want to do is feel like I'm topping from the bottom and pressuring her to force me. Ya know what I mean? All of that takes most of the fun out of it.
I don't know how to better deal with it. I hope to be supportive of her when she's Dommy, to do my best to behave, to honor her, to obey, to be diligent - but I'm a greedy selfish bugger. I want the D/s kink in our relationship to be comfortable, and natural, and fun for her. I can definitely see it
in reality as more like this Kiera picture as "domme" than the previous pictures - but it's really tough for me to sometimes accept that it isn't how I imagine it. So when she said 12 hrs a week, and I know that it doesn't sound like a lot, but going from 0 to 12 is going to be tough.
If you have a day or two running around in the regular world, then suddenly you have to wear it for 2.5 hrs a day for the other 5. Throw in that it's too hot in FL to wear outside anywhere (because I can't wear
layers of clothes and sneak around in a corset in public) like I could when I lived up North. So, I have to limit wearing it to our house. I asked if there was a way to compromise the time - perhaps getting double time if I wear high heels while corsetted - she said nope. What about panties, I could wear them out in public? Nope.
*whine*
Her denial of those options both excites and frustrates me. There is a part of me that loves that, a part of me that feels too rebellious to accept that easily. We had this original talk this past Thurs morning - and Thurs & Friday were hectic. So today I wore my corset for 3 hrs (it's much tighter on me than it was years ago.) But I don't know that I'm going to be able to make it 12 hrs this week, and I don't know what will happen from there. I wonder if there will be a punishment for failing to wear it. I don't want to SAM this, or top it from the bottom. I'd actually rather make it the 12 hrs, but I'm golfing tomorrow & Monday - that's new years & Tues is New Years Day... I don't know if I have the 12 hrs.
Anyways, the whining is a part of it for me. I hope she can find that as something that's fun, and not just totally annoying. Or perhaps she can discipline and punish it out of me. Is this kind of stuff normal in D/s? Am I just a head case? How can I learn to get past this? I'm excited, she's actually taking a bit of charge, and yet I resist it. I fight against it, I whine - I almost feel somehow almost strangely annoyed. Meh... *shrug* ... *sigh*
Call it a pet peeve, but I've noticed that the size limit on the avatar pictures causes many Mistresses to appear less than their rightly lovely selves on too many internet forums. So, if any Mistresses out there need a fix, just e-mail me your image and let me know what size it should be (or send me a link to it) and I'll make you a new avatar. 
and hate the idea that there might be some perv out there who thinks that she owes them something. So for those of you who dislike that sensation, there will be a charge. One hug whenever we get to meet up. Or you can e-mail me a sassy picture: Wearing a corset, smoking, dark lipstick, black gloves, high heels, actually just about anything will do. Of course if that happens, then you clearly will have over paid in which case I'll owe you a hug whenever we meet up. :D
